Friday, September 17, 2010

They Don't Cut the Grass Anymore

They Don’t Cut the Grass Anymore (1985)

Let me start off by saying this,Through the years I have grown to have a soft spot for shitty Films and They don’t cut the grass is a perfect example of why.
This is the story of Billy buck and Jacob,two texan hillbillies who move up north to get jobs as Gardners.Thing is These good ol’ boys have a absolute hatred for yuppies and everything they stand for so what do they do?Destroy them of course.Now I use the term destroy because that is exactly what these boys do ,they don’t just kill there victims they completely maim every single one of them,by tearing there faces off ,gutting them Dismembering them ,every kill in this movie is so over the top it almost becomes comedic at a point.Another reason why it is comedic is due to the f/x or lack of used in this film.They entrails look like they used whit yarn,Faces are ripped off and it is clear that they are tearing rubber masks during the scene and there is one hilarious scene where Billy shoots a young woman then places a stick of dynamite in her mouth and lights it up,when they zoom in on the lit fuse and following explosion it is clear as day that they used a blow up doll for the head and body.On top of all that there is the way our two killers look here,billy buck is a tall somewhat built man who wears an excesive amount of eye make up and a pilgrim hat and then we have Jacob who has to be the worst movie killer of all time,he dawns a pilgrim hat as well but he also comes equipt with a Matador vest and a mask that closely resembles the Saxman from the muppets,even sadder is that it is supposed to be his face not a mask,Just wow.Billy acts as the mouthpiece for this dynamic duo and he is constantly spewing out some of the most ridiculous dialogue I have heard in years,although some of it is rather funny at times.The dialogue in this flick is something to behold for sure a few scenes that come to mind are ,billy and jacob take a trip to the movies and they are watching some kind of Blaxploitation film where the lead guy is raping and torturing a white woman and he says some of these little gems "Mmmmmm,Tastes better than watermelon." really? "You gonna take it cuz’ I’m a disco godfather." uh no you’re not(Rudy ray Moore is the only disco godfather)and "don’t give me no sass or I’ll kick yo ass." right before he goes in for the kill.another little gem is when billy finds a yuppie couple foolin around and walks in on them having a discussion about how much the guy loves her for more than just her body and this is what is said "I love you for your brain." then billy cuts in with "then why don’t you fuck her brains out.?" once the male is killed the woman plees them not to rape her and billy says "I ain’t gonna rape you,you smell like fish.I hate seafood.".I could go on and on for awhile on just the dialogue in this film alone but I will spare you any further yammering.There is alot of gore in this film and it truly is reminicent of the work of Herscell Gordon Lewis,meaning it is all way over the top and cheesy.I would suggest this film to anyone who appreciates true grindhouse cinema as this film would fit in nicely in a grindhouse movie night.The film was supposedly made in just seven days and that is truly believable after watching this movie.I mean it is so low budget that you can even hear the film rolling during some of the audio periodically throughout the film.They don’t cut the grass anymore is truly a gore film or splatter whatever sub-horror genre you wanna call it in every sence of the term,it is just non stop blood and guts from begining to end with some dialogue thrown in for good measure.In The closing moments the boys run into a dorm I guess ,it is a house filled with women ,(who oddly all look alike) and while picking them off one by one there are two girls they have tied up inside the house,one of which is a psychiatrist.The worst psychiatrist on the planet mind you,she says she is gonna talk her way out of the ties and she talks to Jacob ,promising to help him because he is hurting than tells him to look in the mirror because he is fucking ugly,Great work.Oddly though jacob releases them and even gives them a knife,then they try and fight the boys off,I will leave out what happens after this point because the ending is a nice little touch.
So when all is said and done They dont cut the grass anymore reminds me of why I have grown to love cheese ,that said this is not a great movie if you are looking for something to make you think,but if you wanna let your mind go for 70 mins or so,you cant go wrong with this little cinematic treasure.
I would give this one 3.5 out of 5 (strictly on charm alone,not quality I assure you.)
If ya like cheese this one is overflowing with the cheddar.

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