Friday, November 23, 2012

Finally some news and updates

I send my deepest and sincerest apologies to those out there that do or did actually check my little page out. It has been months since I got back here and reviewed anything and I plan to change this. Due to some serious computer issues I had been neglecting this place and not taking anytime to review anything as of late. Mainly because it has become a chore to get screen shots for the site thanks to my new computer automatically updating all my media software. I feel that this is just a lazy excuse and I should be putting far more effort into this site since I do in fact love providing a small shining light on some of the worlds weirdest and cheesiest cinema I can find. With that said I will be back up and running this month and will be providing at least one new review each week from here on out. Starting tonight with something festive for the Thanksgiving Holiday. I again am truly sorry for the huge gap in activity and hope that all my faithful readers can accept this apology  P.S. this is the place to post any requests you guys out there may have if you would like to see something reviewed or if you would like to punish me for my negligence through cinema.
                      Thank you all,
                                    Nathaniel (Dick Swift) Guest

Monday, September 17, 2012

Bloody Murder

Bloody Murder (2000)

Dir: Ralph E. Portillo

IMDB Rating: 2.9 out of 10

Well, I am back to the post finally and this is what I choose to make my return with? Bad decision... In the Horror sub genre of the Slasher flick there is an over abundance of cheap knock off's and cash in's. This practice was really evident during the Slasher boom of the late 70's through the 80's. Surprisingly quite a few of the rip off's and cash in's turned out to be really awesome and classics in their own right, However this film...Arrived about 30 years too late and is one of the lamest and most obvious rip off's I have ever seen, So let's just get this over with.
 Bloody murder opens much like many other films of the genre as we get the standard opening kill with a complete lack of gore as a very familiar looking killer takes his first victims. Some time later we see our standard group of "teens" arriving at Camp Placid Pines to set up camp for summer. Immediately red herrings sprout up as one of the guys has a hockey mask in his luggage as well as
the typical old man warning one of the women counselors that "Nelson has come back for revenge." As the teens get acquainted with one another they discuss the history of the camp ground and the legend of the Hockey mas clad Trevor Moorehouse. There is some rivalry right off the bat between to old track competitors and lame pranks are pulled on each other during a Moorehouse influenced game entitled "Bloody Murder" where one of the rivals is ambushed by his nemesis dawning the hockey mask. After the initial prank our main girl Julie's Boyfriend Jason goes missing after the prank, putting some suspicion on his rival. Tension between the campers further heats up when Jason gets caught hooking up with Dean's Girlfriend Whitney causing Dean to get creepy and aggressive.  Finally after about an hour of build up we get our first kill when Whitney leaves the campers during movie night to grab snacks and she is stabbed to death by the "Jason Vorhees" knock off while off screen.

Now with two of the campers missing the sheriffs are called in to investigate, and a cop is placed near by on stand by in case anything odd happens.The boredom is broken by a few more killings when the rival track star is shot with a bow and arrow while setting up an archery range in a complete rip from a Friday the 13th scene.The creepy old man again mentions a "Nelson" looking for revenge and Julie decides to do some research finding it was a young camper from back when her father was a counselor. The film tried way too hard to throw every red herring it can as she continues to do research and campers continue to drop like flies with one lackluster killing after another.

With Dean gone and Jason returning the list of suspects begins to shrink and Julie finds that the mysterious "Nelson" was in fact her bunk mate Brew's father. She comes to this realization as Julies father heads into the woods with Drew. Here is where you can tell the film makers had no idea what they were going for as they make it abundantly clear that Drew is the killer when she attacks Julie's father near the lake and is showing some strange behavior. Then as Julie  calls drew out on the claims a man in a mask comes out behind her and attacks the two ladies. The masked man is revealed to be the head counselor and the evil turn of drew is just completely dropped and never explained. The sheriff arrests the counselor and Jason is left behind as Julie and her new boyfriend drive off. The film comes to a close as yet another masked "Trevor Moorehouse" appears and kills Jason. Ending this boring scramble fuck of a film.

In all my time spent watching B through Z grade films and Even just Slasher films in general , I have never seen a lamer attempt to cash in on the 80's slasher craze than this film. How this movie even got green lit is beyond me as it is clear there was no final script which is evident in the completely botched A"twist" ending that made no sense. Even if this film was released during the height of the Slasher boom this would be at the very bottom of the barrel and that is saying allot in a genre filled with knock offs and cheaply made productions. This film has no gore, no nudity and no original kills which are the three main ingredients in making a slasher film. With all these vital points missing all you get is a complete rip off of the Friday the 13th series minus the iconic kills and over the top acting , replacing it with some lame video game style who done it. Even if you are a die hard slasher fan avoid this film at all costs, I had for years but finally gave in knowing it would be a knock off but thinking it may at least provide some good gore but nope, this film offers absolutely nothing.

Fun Factor:2
Overall:1.5 out of 10

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Finally I am Back

Sorry everyone that was following my little site here as I have been completely neglecting this place for what seems like forever. Several complications have come and gone , I will spare you the details, But I am getting back to the site now and will try my hardest to keep on a decent active schedule. Sadly I had lost my PC and upon replacing it I lost my older media player which makes it harder to gather screens for the reviews, this will slow things down a bit but I will surely get back to providing you all with a look at the odd and often shitty films I watch on a daily basis. Thank you all for understanding and   will try my best to make it up tot you.... Here  is a few nudie pics to please the eyes of those who have missed this little corner of the net. (Like you couldn't find them anywhere else)

                               Sincerely , Nathaniel (Dick Swift) Guest

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Sleepaway Camp 3

Sleepaway Camp 3 :Teenage Wasteland (1989)

Dir:Michael A.Simpson

IMDB Rating: 4.8 out of 10

 Ah yes, It's a year later and since the video cover for part 2 garnered much attention among video rental store rack it is obviously time to return to camp, But how will Angela manage to make her way to camp this time? Well you shoehorn her in that's how. As all horror fans know usually around part 3 a series begins to falter and loose it's fan base. So does Sleepaway Camp stray from the pack or does it fall victim to the same ol' same ol'? Well let's check it out and make our conclusions.

           One year has passed since the murders at Camp Rolling Hills and the property has been re-branded as a social experiment camp and given a new name of Camp New horizons.Where now we can fit every type of stereotype into one film as opposed to just the suburban brand and rich kids. The film opens with a trashy looking young woman named Mary as she is preparing for her summer camp experience, Sadly for her Angela has other plans and wishes to revisit her old stomping grounds, So Angela throws her in a dumpster and with a wig magically becomes Mary....As Angela arrives at the camp she quickly gets to work as a snotty reporter is presenting a story for the news about the camp's unique new experiment as kids from all walks of life are brought to the place to learn about their differences and become more accepting of one another. After the news anchor reports she is looking to score some coke , which Angela is more than happy to provide. However the Coke is bunk and she dies of course. Then we meet the group of kids, which as I said are running the gambit of horror film stereotypes as we of course The traditional jock,Nerd,Slut,Snob and now we get the latin heart throb thug, The Asian rebel girl and The black kid equipt with boombox and that damned rap music.....

Things pick up quick as the teens are split up into groups of 3 with separate counselors to partake in some trust exercises.Angela of course makes short work of her group after catching the slutty girl of the group having sex with the old man counselor. After taking out the few kids in her group , she heads to another and gets stuck doing a trust exercise with the snobby girl who is also a horrible racist. While walking with blindfolds she ties Cindy (Snob) to a flag pole and crushes her skull in a relatively unique kill. Upon returning to camp, Angela is tied to Bobby ,who is a pervert and wanna be politician. After collecting fish for dinner Angela leads her counselor to a shed where she buries the woman to er head in garbage before mowing her down.Meanwhile at the third group we see that the "Good Girl"Marsha is beginning to take a liking to the dangerous Latin thug Tony. We also get some quick insight to the fact that the third counselor Barney is the father of one of Angela's victims from the previous film.Angela continues to take out her fellow campers much less discreetly than usual as if she wants to get caught. I have to say though during her slaughter of the second group , there is a scene I love, Where she hands the "Hip Hop Roughian" a cassette which she is rapping on before she nails him to death with tent spikes. After Angela meets up with the pervy Bobby and rips his arms off in a twist on BDSM , she heads to the third group the following morning.

Angela completely gives up her cover when she shows Marsha the body of one of the fallen counselors. At this point the Father of one of Angela's victims from last year faces off with the psycho camper. Strangely this meeting is cut short when Angela simply shoots him dead.After a short chase Angela manages to capture the three remaining campers and presents them with yet another trust game but this one is deadly. The group is lead to Angela's cabin where she is storing her victims and they must find Marsha who is being held captive. Tony manages to find her but the other remaining campers are killed in the process. Angela feels giving and leaves Tony and Marsha to live but they want revenge. This leads us into the final fight where Marsha puts the knife to Angela appearing to have killed her. Marsha reveals she is not the nice girl she appears as she tells Tony she has a boyfriend and was just looking for a fling, which is a interesting take on the survivor girl. All appears well as Angela is carted off in an ambulance where her vital signs show her still alive and the cop and paramedic decide to kill her, Angela however is awake and kills the two as the ambulance rides off with her alive in the back , leaving room for yet another sequel....One that did not come til' over ten years or more later and really killed the series for good with it's sheer awfulness.

It took me awhile to get to this review because quite honestly , I just didn't feel like writing it. I love this series but the third installment is just kinda blah....It really adds nothing to the series , it lacks the gore and the charm of the first sequel and with the exception of a few pretty cool and fun scenes , this one is just forgettable. The Flag Pole, The Lawn mower and of course the Rap scenes are really the films only highlights and only one of those scenes sets Angela apart from all the other slashers out there. Sadly this film is where the series began to take it's turn for the worse.There was a planned part 4 entitled The Survivor and the premise sounded pretty cool as it was a play on the then just blossoming craze of reality T.V. however the film was never finished and we had too wait nearly 20 years for this series to resurface with Return To Sleepaway Camp with Felissa Rose returning as Angela which was cool but the film was epic trash and completely killed the series altogether. Sadly Sleepaway Camp will never get to the cult status of Friday The 13th or any of the other slasher icons due to the laziness of this script and the follow up several years later. This is truly sad being that the first film had such an amazing and disturbing ending and Pamela Springstein brought some real charm to the character in the sequels, However this one just falls flat and I hate to say that honestly.

Fun Factor:5
Overall: 4.5 out of 10