Thursday, September 23, 2010

Double Agent 73

Double Agent 73 (1974)
Dir: Doris Wishman (Deadly Weapons/ Let me die A Woman)
Starring : Chesty Morgan

Well after the complete lack of 70's tits in The Doll Squad, I decided to pop in the second feature of Something Weirds Chesty Morgan Double Feature along with Deadly Weapons which I have already reviewed. I must say that Ms. Morgan has to be the worst actress ever to grace the screen and her only claim to fame is her enormous 73 inch bust hence the name of this little gem Double Agent 73. The film wastes no time in letting you know that this is just a vehicle for Chesty to show off her well......Chest, With the opening credits just being shots of her grabbing her left tit repeatedly at two different angles. I must say that Chesty has to have some of the ugliest natural breasts I have ever seen and how they made her famous in an era along side other busty beauties such as Kitten Natividad and Uschi Digart is beyond me, Because other than her upper endowment this woman has no figure whatsoever. With all that aside, This film is honest to god one of , if not the worst movies I have ever seen and I have seen some crappy films in my day. Chesty plays Jane Tennay A.K.A. Agent 73 who is called upon to take down A heroin dealer by the name of Mr. Toplar. She is given no description other than he has a scar on the side of his face, wonderful.. Her agency implants a camera into her left breast and she is instructed to take out all of Toplar's henchmen and to photograph them for evidence. So Jane heads out seeking clues and seducing then killing all of the said henchmen in various ridiculous manners such as Blowing up ones car with a lipstick bomb, Poisoning one with a earring dart, Beating one senseless with her breasts and Putting poison on her chest and smothering a guy with them. The acting in this film is god awful especially in a scene involving one of Toplar's henchmen and his girlfriend making out and when they are talking no lips are seen moving at all and the women is seen looking at the camera in plain sight numerous times in a one minute scene.Along the way Agent 73 is provided a Male counterpart named Tim who quickly becomes her love interest in the film and just as quickly as they fall in love it becomes abundantly clear that this man is in fact Mr. Toplar, Especially when once Jane is captured by Mr. T's main henchman he is ordered to release her because of purposes unexplained. In the end it is in fact Tim who is Toplar and she goes to meet with him one last time where Tim/ Toplar confesses and proclaims his love for her but instead of giving in to his advances for the predictable happy ending she just shoots him and that is the end in extremely anti climactic fashion. This movie is flat out boring and like I stated before just a reason to put Chesty Morgans Breasts on display , As she is topless 98 percent of the film.Also it is obvious that the director has a breast fetish and a serious thing for footwear since most of the film is close ups of one or the other. Chesty gives a awful performance and it shows clear as day in one particular scene where she finds one of her friends stabbed to death in her shower and Chesty just looks down and responds with as much emotion  as if she had just burned her toast , Not lost a dear friend. Huge waste of time this film was.... Huge, Even bigger than Chesty's Milk bags and just as saggy.
Just because I know there is probably something out there worse I will give this one
0.5 out of 5 stars.

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