Friday, September 17, 2010
Tales from the Quadead Xone
Tales from the Quadead Zone (1987)
Chester Novell Turner should go down in history as the worst director/filmaker of all times.the only reason he wont is because not many people have actually seen his two entries into filmland.The first film he made is by far the more popular ,I use that term losely,of his films.Black devil Doll From Hell,now if you have seen that film you should now what to expect from one of his films.Shitty film quality,really shitty acting,and some of the most annoying music ever put on film.Both of his films have music playing through the whole film and more often than not it drowns out the dialogue,which is almost a blessing in disguise but the music is just as bad,it is all made on a cheap casio keyboard.After his second film,the one in which I will reivew here Mr.Turner all but vanished from the world completely.
Tales from the quadead zone is about a woman who lives with her husband and talks to her deceased childs ghost all day while her husband is out.Shirley ,I will call her that because she is not given a name in the film and she is played by Shirley L. Jones (the "star" of Black devil doll from hell) sits down to read some stories to her son when a book appears out of nowhere entitled "Tales from the Quadead Zone".The first story is titled Food for ? and when she reads out the title she actually says "Food For Question Mark." The story is about a White trash family who apparently are to poor and to stupid to keep eachother fed,There are 8 members of the family at the dinner table and only four sandwiches so instead of splitting the sandwiches in half they wait for a bell to be rang after grace is said and whoever gets their hands on a sandwich gets to eat that night.Well the big brother is tired of this and decides that it only makes sence to start offing some of the family to ensure he gets some food,so the next night he comes to the dinner table with a shotgun and shoots two of his sisters.this routine repeats for something like two days and then the story abruptly ends just showing pictures of the remaining family and what happened to them,Two more were killed ,two are "Living high on the hog,in the witness protection program" and the trigger happy big guy gets killed in the state gas "Chair".
Our second story is entitled "Brothers" and tells the tale of Fred and Ted Johnson two brothers who apparently have had one hell of a sibling rivalry growing up.Fred was apparently the favorite and he had alot of money and even went as far as to steal teds wife from him,while ted is struggling as a low income janitor.Fred passes away and ted feels that it would be a great idea to steal his dead brothers body in order to get some revenge for what was done to him ,turns out teds ex , the one that married fred had killed herself and ted blames his brother for this .we learn all this while freds corpse in lying in a bathtub and ted is talking to it,then ted gets the bright idea of dressing up his deceassed brother as a clown and burrying him in the houses crawl space,shortly after the clown treatment fred comes back to life (big surprise there) and kills Ted,during this scene freds corpse is trying to say something but you cant hear a damn word due to the shitty audio tone voice effect they used for his voice.
Now the Third and final story even though technically this film should have four stories since it is the Quad-Dead Zone anyway this story is not even in the book she is reading although on the imdb page it does title this one "Unseen Vision"
It is just basically Shirley and her husband getting into a fight about her taling to her dead son and how Darryl the father thinks she is crazy.they get into a physical altercation with shirley recieving a beating with the book.they fight some more and shirley stabs the husband.I guess darryl makes it to the phone because cops arrive shortly,and funny thing about this scene is that you hear sirens but when the cops show up there is no patrol car just a beater and there is no siren,plus the cops are out of uniform and come to the door with guns drawn not even knowing the situation...anyway the cops find darryls dead body and prepare to take shirley away but she locks herself in the bathroom and cuts her throat while Upbeat Casio Samba music plays in the background.While she is dying there are shots of shirley and her son bobby playing in the park and then we see what happens to her after death,she apparently becomes a shitty camera effect along with her son and they sit down together to read more stories.
Then the screen fades to black and.....Tales from the quadead zone will return....
Well it never did and neither did Chester Novell turner.I hunted this movie down after years going by after seing black devil Doll from hell and never knowing that this guy had made another film,well I found it and it sucked.I mean so did Black devil doll from hell but that one at least had some sort of novelty effect,since it was so over the top,but this one is just the pits,and a shitty attempt to make a anthology film.
1 out of 5 (truly one of the worst movies of all time,and I dare someone to find something worse than this one.But becarefull if you do it may cause your eyes to explode