Sunday, December 26, 2010
Alien Sex Party
Dir: Paul Yates
Starring: Moby, Brian O' Halloran (Clerks/ Clerks 2/ Mallrats) Dyanna Lauren (Adult Film Star)
So before I jump into this review allow me to say that for those of you out there who do not know me personally, I work at a Adult Shop, Selling porn, Sexual aides and dealing with some very unique individuals on a daily basis to say the least. So with that said I went into this film knowing a bit about the source material and I have always thought a film about following the day of porn shop employees would make for an excellent film, especially a comedy given some of the people and things you come across on a nightly basis. With that said this film does not deliver at all. The film focuses on Tina and Joe an employee and owner of Amazing Video , An Adult video store as they work late on Christmas eve for a Signing from Porn star Dyanna Lauren.
While Joe the owner of the shop is a awkward man who has no business owning a shop of this nature as he is disturbed by all the product and knows nothing of the items entailed. We meet Adam , Tina's ex boyfriend and cousin as he hangs around the shop with a few others through the night. The movie is a direct rip on Clerks and in one of the films only highlights we get a cameo from Dante of Clerks reprising his role of Quick Stop employee.
At one point a man bursts into the store strapped with a bomb threatening to blow the store up since he cannot find anything that arouses him and the staffers and fans waiting around attempt to help the man and he finally gets aroused by The Price is Right, Just one of the films many miss jokes .
Eventually Dyanna Lauren arrives for her signing and she greets the fans by answering some of her adorers questions.
After that she leaves and then we get our closing scene with a ridiculous twist involving Aliens buying up all the KY Jelly in order to eat it and the man that has been staking the place out comes in to take the alien into custody.
I mean Just off the top of the head I can think of a scene that would trump this film alone, True story. During my first week of work at the shop I sold a man a 9 inch dildo, a pack of Black Inches Magazines and a French Maid outfit. Thinking that he had left the shop moments later I went through the hall of viewing booths I call the "Jack Shacks" to go to the back to have a smoke break. On the walk I notice the man in a booth with the door open passed out drunk wearing the outfit still clutching the dildo in his hand, When I tell the man he must close his door he grunts at me so I shut his door. By the time I am done with my cigarette and am returning to work, he again has his door open. I cannot help but start laughing as I make my way to the counter. A couple of customers ask what i am laughing about and I tell them about the man , so the two say "I gotta see this" and they make their way to the booths and harass the man in the maid outfit. While watching the surveillance cameras I see the French Maid man Come flying out of his booth to attack the young men and a short fight ensues until the Freak runs directly into a pole knocking himself unconscious. So now in the middle of the hall their is this man just laying out snoring in a maids outfit. I call the police and when they arrive the man had changed into a Hawaiian Shirt and Black thong underwear to be escorted from the building. That scenario there actually happened and on film would play out much funnier than anything portrayed in this shit of a film. I can't think of anyone who would find this movie funny at all other than children too young to actually go into a shop of this type and even that is a stretch.
Nudity:2 (For a movie about a porn shop we only get one pair of tits in the entire film)
Story:5 (endless potential just wasted)
Characters:2 (Horrible actors playing annoying roles)
Overall: 3 out of 10 ( I could be biased but there is so much potential here it hurts too watch this film as it is presented)