The Mutilator

The Mutilator (1985)
Dir: Buddy Cooper

So finally I was able to track down a non VHS version of this film to watch and I have to say after all the wait it was worth it. I have had a VHS copy of this rare gem of 80's slasher fun for awhile but due to my VCR taking a crap on me I had yet to get to enjoy it and apparently this film has not gotten a U.S. DVD release as of yet and I cannot see why not as it's allot of fun.
                 So the film opens with a sad scene involving a mother and son preparing for the child's father's birthday and while the wife prepares his cake the son Ed decides to clean all his fathers guns as a present to him. In the process he accidentally shoots his mother to death moments before Pops arrives. Father Jack arrives he finds his wife dead and snaps punishing the child before dragging his wife's corpse to the living room to have a final drink with.

                          Several years later we see Ed grown up art a bar with some college friends looking for something to do for fall break when Ed receives a phone call from his estranged father. Jack asks Ed to clean and close up there summer beach house, So the gang heads to the beach front for an opportunity to make the most out of their time off. Upon arrival they notice that jack is a big game hunter with a taste for the extreme as the beachouse is full of dangerous weapons and they come across a photo of a man he ran over and killed with a speed boat on accident though the picture is a sort of a trophy.

                   This films does not try to hide whats coming at all as right away we learn that Ed's Father is hiding in the garage of the cabin and his plan is to kill his son in revenge of his wife from years ago.So once the night falls we get treated to the typical stalk and slash although I have to admit the kills in this film are done really well and for this film being a low budget gem the effects are excellent and truly gruesome. One by one the kids are knocked off in several bloody ways from chainsaw to battle Axe and a particular scene towards the end involving a large fish hook and a part of the female anatomy that is more often punctured by something else altogether. One thing I liked about this film is that it pulls no punches and instead of having most of the kills off screen allowing the viewer to just see the aftermath later, this one truly focuses on the kills and keeps the camera on the action for the whole duration.

                            So after the kids are taken out of the equation of course this leads to the inevitable showdown between father and son which surprisingly ends quickly leaving Ed's girlfriend Pam to take care of the dirty work, And after a struggle on top of the car our Killer Jack is smashed between a  wall and the car, which leads to a small twist and one final deathblow from Jack on his way out, Before the ending credits roll.

                         So after all the time waiting to see this film and all the self induced hype , I have to say I was not let down by this one and it was worth the wait because for me, This type of film is what I grew up on. I have always had a place in my heart for the slasher film and this one does some things most don't . It provides a decent back story, It does not try and pull B.S. twists and it gets straight to the point with the gore and never lets up until the film is over. As far as slashers go you cant do much better than this one in my opinion, Although my all time favorite is still Maniac, Which that film is more than just a slasher as it is truly a character profile. This film is not but it doesn't try to be,  The film sets out to have a few scares and balls to the wall gore and it does accomplish that much more than most of the other slashers that saturated theaters and video stores during the 80's. So in closing I got what i wanted out of this film and thats all I could ever hope for a film to deliver. All slasher fans should check this one out if you can find it and it is a absolute must for Slasher Purists and completists. One thing it lacked that most slashers provide is nudity but this is a slasher not a soft porn so I can give it a pass since it was done well and didn't really need the T&A to pad the film. Although just because it has become sort of a mandatory thing with these reviews I will provide a shot of the only nude scene in the flick ........And here it is.

                 Hope ya'll got your fix there. Overall this was a fun movie and provided some original set pieces and good gore and that is what a slasher should set out to do.

Gore:7.5 (Some really good stuff in this one although nothing too original)
Nudity:2 (Only two boobs, only two rating)
Story:6 (decent back story, But makes films direction obvious from the gate)
Characters:5.5 ( Just the genre standards here, Though the killer was genuinely scary)
Overall: 7 out of 10 ( One of the better Slashers out there, You could do much worse and would be hard pressed to find something much better)

Lucker: The Necrophagus

Lucker: The Necrophagus (1986)

John Lucker is a serial Killer/Rapist with a fetish for Necrophilia, In the opening scenes we see him in a vegetative state after a suicide attempt and he has been drugged into the coma by doctors at a mental hospital. Soon he wakes from his lucid state and makes a quick escape after disposing of a doctor on his way out.

He then obtains some wheels after carjacking a nurse and killing her in the process. After the successful escape he heads down the road on foot and we get  a few flashes back to his last murder and an apparent victim who may have survived.In the present Lucker makes his way to hunt down the apparent potential victim but not before he takes out a few others along the way, including a hooker he meets at a bar.

The Hooker takes Lucker to her complex and this sequence takes up a large portion of the film as he ties her up and tortures her before eventually stabbing her to death. After the murder he stays with the corpse for 4 weeks to allow the corpse to rot apparently to allow the body to ripen in order for him to have sex with the rotted remains. This scene is a obvious attempt to shock the viewer as he molests the deceased in graphic fashion including fingering the body then licking the rot from his hands.

 After he is through with this latest victim , Lucker heads to the buildings basement to dispose of the remains and he finds some trouble along the way , while two of the prostitutes friends arrive at her complex looking for her since she had gone missing for weeks. One of the friends has a key so upon entering the room they find her room dismantled and covered in blood, Alerting them to the foul play. Of course one girl is offed quickly and the other is kidnapped and drug to the basement seemingly unnoticed by anyone in the building.
Once she is tied up Lucker finds that his one victim from years prior that had escaped also lives in this building so of course he heads out to get her and also takes her to the basement to force her to watch him do his work. During this scene the Survivor manages to once again escape Luckers grasp and a chase ensues leading to the inevitable end of Luckers reign of terror in sort of a anti climactic finish.

After watching this film , I gotta say I was a little disappointed, it was suggested to me by a few fellow film buffs and I read some reviews leading me to believe this film was a shocking gore fest and honestly I was not impressed. The effects were bad the gore was lackluster and the only disturbing scene was the corpse rape which was rather tame in comparison to some similar films I have seen, And after watching A Serbian film nothing quiet disturbs me as much , That film was so screwed up it makes anything else pale in comparison. I can see how this film would be considered shocking in it's day but the video is so low quality and the gore effects are so low budget it just did not do much for me. I did however enjoy the Lucker Character as he would sit quietly watching his victims for seemingly days before killing them and I thought that was a  nice touch. I would recommend this for gore film enthusiasts though as it is a nice piece of history and It does push some boundaries especially since it was released before films like Nekromantik and some others with similar subject matter, It's just not the best film of the genre available these days when seemingly nothing is off bounds in film.
Gore:6
Nudity:4 (Not much there, But when it is in the shot it is graphic)
Characters:5 (Luckers Creepiness is the films only saving grace in this category)
Story:6 (decent run of the mill back story, nothing to much to it)
Overall 5.5 out of 10

Alien Sex Party

Moby Presets : Alien Sex Party (2002)
Dir: Paul Yates
Starring: Moby, Brian O' Halloran (Clerks/ Clerks 2/ Mallrats) Dyanna Lauren (Adult Film Star)

So before I jump into this review allow me to say that for those of you out there who do not know me personally, I work at a Adult Shop, Selling porn, Sexual aides and dealing with some very unique individuals on a daily basis to say the least. So with that said I went into this film knowing a bit about the source material and I have always thought a film about following the day of porn shop employees would make for an excellent film, especially a comedy given some of the people and things you come across on a nightly basis. With that said this film does not deliver at all. The film focuses on Tina and Joe an employee and owner of Amazing Video , An Adult video store as they work late on Christmas eve for a Signing from Porn star Dyanna Lauren.

Tina is a sexual advanced young woman who has a penchant for some strange sexual behavior such as incest and a brief stint with beastiality.

While Joe the owner of the shop is a awkward man who has no business owning  a shop of this nature as he is disturbed by all the product and knows nothing of the items entailed. We meet Adam , Tina's ex boyfriend and cousin as he hangs around the shop with a few others through the night. The movie is a direct rip on Clerks and in one of the films only highlights we get a cameo from Dante of Clerks reprising his role of Quick Stop employee.

This scene is decent and is very close to what you would see in the deleted scenes of the actual movie. I like the idea of a clerks style Film with this subject instead of the liquor store but as I said , This one just does not deliver. So we get the obvious run throughs of the customers that visit the shop, and some are funny but most miss the mark of the genuine customer you would see in such a shop.

 The entire time the employees man the shop a man sits outside in a van staking the place out for some reason and we learn out why in a truly stupid twist in the end of the film. Most of the consumers are purchasing KY Jelly and at a point the film seems like just a really long ad for the product, which gets annoying . There is one genuinely funny scene where Joe is left to ma the shop by himself and a man arrives who has had all his Gifts for Christmas stolen and he hopes to replace them at the shop since it is the only place open. The man needs to get gifts for his entire family and they cannot be pornographic , So Joe springs into action and improvises to moderate success and some of his ideas would allow the gifts to pass as real non adult gifts,Such as A Penis pump as a plunging device for drains and a blow up doll he dresses as Princess Leia from Star Wars Making Joe seem somewhat useful for once coming through in the clutch for the man in dire need.

At one point a man bursts into the store strapped with a bomb threatening to blow the store up since he cannot find anything that arouses him and the staffers and fans waiting around attempt to help the man and he finally gets aroused by The Price is Right, Just one of the films many miss jokes .

Eventually  Dyanna Lauren arrives for her signing and she greets the fans by answering some of her adorers questions.

Shortly after in one of the films several musical numbers Dyanna bursts into a  Christmas themed song and dance routine that is downright Nauseating.

After that she leaves and then we get our closing scene with a ridiculous twist involving Aliens buying up all the KY Jelly in order to eat it and the man that has been staking the place out comes in to take the alien into custody.

The film then closes on shots of the cast and what each character went on to do and none are even remotely funny although they try hard to pull it off. Perhaps it is my love for the movie Clerks or perhaps it is the fact that I work in an actual Porn shop but this movie just really let me down tremendously. When I heard the plot synopsis of this film and the irony that I just worked in said shop last night on Christmas Eve I had high expectations for this one, But you can tell that the makers of the film have never worked in the actual business and have maybe just visited a sex shop a few times in their lives and this is what they imagine working in the industry would be like, But trust me I can tell you from experience it would be truly easy to pull off an actual funny movie from the Stories you gain from working in such a shop.Plus the musical numbers and the alien side story are really lazy and not entertaining at all. With all this complaining maybe I should write my on script for a similar film because I guarantee I could write a funnier more entertaining film on the subject effortlessly.
 I mean Just off the top of the head I can think of a scene that would trump this film alone, True story. During my first week of work at the shop I sold a man a 9 inch dildo, a pack of Black Inches Magazines and a French Maid outfit. Thinking that he had left the shop moments later I went through the hall of viewing booths I call the "Jack Shacks"  to go to the back to have a smoke break. On the walk I notice the man in a booth with the door open passed out drunk wearing the outfit still clutching the dildo in his hand, When I tell the man he must close his door he grunts at me so I shut his door. By the time I am done with my cigarette and am returning to work, he again has his door open. I cannot help but start laughing as I make my way to the counter. A couple of customers ask what i am laughing about and I tell them about the man , so the two say "I gotta see this" and they make their way to the booths and harass the man in the maid outfit. While watching the surveillance cameras I see the French Maid man Come flying out of his booth to attack the young men and a short fight ensues until the Freak runs directly into a pole knocking himself unconscious. So now in the middle of the hall their is this man just laying out snoring in a maids outfit. I call the police and when they arrive the man had changed into a Hawaiian Shirt and Black thong underwear to be escorted from the building. That scenario there actually happened and on film would play out much funnier than anything portrayed in this shit of a film. I can't think of anyone who would find this movie funny at all other than children too young to actually go into a shop of this type and even that is a stretch.
Gore:N/A
Nudity:2 (For a movie about a porn shop we only get one pair of tits in the entire film)
Story:5 (endless potential just wasted)
Characters:2 (Horrible actors playing annoying roles)
Overall: 3 out of 10 ( I could be biased  but there is so much potential here it hurts too watch this film as it is presented)