Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Assault of the Party Nerds

Assault of the Party Nerds (1989)
Dir:Richard Gabai (Assault of the party Nerds2: The Heavy Petting Detective/Kickboxing Academy/Virtual Girl)
Starring: Richard Gabai/ Linnea Quigley ( Return of the Living Dead/Night of the Demons/Creepazoids)
Michelle Bauer (Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers/Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama/Nightmare Sisters)

Every once in awhile I like to take a trip down memory lane and revisit the times before I was old enough to rent/watch Porn. These were the days when cinemax was my late night best friend, A time when I would stay up past midnight to see a simple boob on the television to feed my imagination.It truly was a simpler time. So tonight I decided to take in the cult skinemax classic Assault of the Party Nerds. Trying to capitalize on the popularity of the Revenge of the Nerds franchise which was actually dying down by the time this film was released, the film follows a fraternity that is on the way to closing down due to lack of membership and the remaining four members all graduating from college in fall.Ritchie and his brothers of the Lambda Alpha Ada decide of course to throw a party to encourage enrollment to the fraternity.

Now with all movies of this type of course we get the squad of villains the rival fraternity The Zeta's , A group of jocks determined to foil the "Nerds" plans since they have not helped them pass their tests in order to graduate.The Zeta's are Chip. Bud, And Cliff and all obviously have pent up homosexual tendencies as we learn throughout the film,

 Although two of them date the popular girls in School Bambi (Linnea Quigley) and Muffin (Michelle Bauer).
Most of the film is just set pieces built up to lead into random sex scenes and Boob shots, which is not unusual for this kind of film. Also these scenes lead to the inevitable outing of the Zeta's as more than just brothers in a fraternity. As Bud and Cliff seem way to into themselves while having sex with the beautiful girls , rolling their eyes in boredom and looking at themselves in the mirror in the process.

While the Jocks are busy getting laid, The Lambda's are hard at work putting together a proposal to get cash for their epic party.After the Proposal is turned down the gang takes a different approach and fakes a fire inspection to get the cash. After they score the dough We get a montage of the guys getting ready for the party.
Meanwhile Muffin and Buffy decide to drop in on their boyfriends to find them in a truly awkward position and although they dump the jocks they decide to keep why a secret in  order to save their own reputations as the hot girls.

After the reveal of the obvious big joke payoff. The Lambda's party gets started and Bambi and Muffin decide to attend as well in order to find themselves some "real" men. This leads to the Zeta's plotting revenge on the "Nerds" and crashing the party.
At the party two of the Lambda's crushes Wola's dream girl the loan agency girl and T.K.'s classmate all attend and instantly are by their side with no sense of build up.
The Zeta's arrive but leave almost immediately after being outed as Gay and this leads to a really anti-climactic payoff to the only real story the film established and the party goes on without a hitch.
After the party wraps up and Ritchie manages to get some new pledges for the Lambda's . The guys go to have sex with their new found loves as they all synchronize watches so they can all get laid at the same time and that is how we end this shitty little film.
Oh yeah and this guy slaps his passed out date in order to wake her for sex....stay classy movie.
The thing that bugs me about this film is that, The Lambda's (Blatant rip off of the Revenge of the Nerds Frat name) are supposed to be nerds and we are supposed to root for them as the underdogs yet, Ritchie the president is just as cocky and popular as the jocks are and this takes away any of the feel of that the Revenge of the Nerds films had where the heroes were the underdogs.Every joke this film sets up is visible from miles away . The jocks are gay , Made way too obvious from the opening scene and there is never a moment where you feel the Zeta's may foil the Lambda's plans so there is nothing to hope for and no one to pull for throughout the entire film. The only saving grace of this film was the casting of Scream Queen icons Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer but even they don't add too much to the film other than some nice T&A, which is nice don't get me wrong. Honestly I will watch pretty much any film either of these girls are in as they are in some of my all time favorites... Linnea in countless horror gems and Michelle Bauer in the awesome film Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers.As for this film not much to recommend unless you are a huge fan of the cinemax late night days or  have a hankering for a trip down memory lane like I did. Now even though I disliked this film tremendously , they all cant be winners and I will be reviewing the sequel next just to see where they went with this potential franchise , cash in on a already dying movie trend.

Nudity:7 ( cannot go wrong with Quigley and Bauer's)
Story:3 ( not much of any to be seen)
Characters:3 (sub par for the genre)
Overall: 3  out of 10

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