Friday, March 11, 2011

Tales From The Crapper

Tales From the Crapper (2005)
Dir: Gabriel Friedman and Chad Ferrin (Someone's Knocking at the Door)
Starring: Julie Strain/Lloyd Kaufman/Eli Roth/ Trey Parker/ Ron Jeremy/ Jorge Garcia (Lost)

Take one part Creepshow and three parts terror Firmer and you get this craptastic duo of short films. It's pretty obvious that Troma knew exactly what they were releasing with this steaming pile , hence the appropriate name Tales from the crapper. Shot on digital video very poorly The Crapkeeper (Lloyd Kaufman) Narrates the following shorts and there's not too much to say about either other than if you've seen any recent Troma films you should know exactly what to expect.
The first short is entitled The case of the Melon Heavy Alien Man Eater and it centers around a crashed spacecraft carrying a flesh eating alien who in order to make money to repair it's ship disguises itself as a female stripper and starts devouring clients.Right away this sparks the interest of many Investigators along with news teams trying to follow the story. First Private Dick Sam Black, A detective who appears to be a transient goes to the Strip joint and is thrown out for masturbating inside . While outside finishing himself off an unseen being approaches and rips his penis off and stabs Dick to death with his own Dick. As you can see we are not gonna have any subtlety in this one. As more investigators turn up missing . Police chief Doublestump (A man with two penises) decides to put his top agent on the case Detective Travis Dance, Husband of officer Ivanna Dance. Ivanna wants in on the case but has been denied due to her over the top antics in fighting law such as raping a assault suspect with a traffic cone and also raping a purse snatcher with a pistol in his ass before killing him, so we can easily see why she is not going to be the most stealthy agent available.
Travis reports for duty and is quickly killed at the hands of this mysterious killer, Ivanna finds out and we are treated to a montage and then a strange Lesbian scene between Ivanna and a blow up doll that turns real. After that piece of oddness, She goes to the club undercover looking for a job and quickly with no build up what so ever realizes that the lead stripper is in fact the killer once she transforms into a half Mantis , half human hybrid and rapes a fellow stripper. Ivanna engages in a brawl and is infected which turns her into a similar beast and the fight continues until Ivanna comes out on top although the fight scene is so badly choreographed it is hard to tell what exactly happened.
After that waste Lloyd decides to treat the viewer to a intermission and cheap plug for his book "Make your own damn movie" in which he puts together a three way sex scene between two ugly lesbians and an even uglier pre op tranny which ends in his famous "Monster Penis" prop made famous in Tromeo and Julliette.

After intermission we get the lazier of the two entries with...
Tuition of the terror Twat, this one follows the troubles of young Timmy who has been denied all grants for tuition and in order to get into college his friends decide to throw a stripper party for him to raise the funds. Unfortunately for them the strippers they hired happen to be vampires.This one is pretty cut and dry with little to no dialog of any circumstance and in fact the film intentionally cuts to the directors commentary several times throughout as sort of a running gag. this one is however filled with cameos from several folks including,Ron Jeremy, Eli Roth, Trey parker,and Jorge Garcia . Basically in a nut shell the girls arrive the party goes down and as soon as the vampires get hungry they attack everyone in the house leaving everyone for dead. then in a huge cop out ending we see Julie Strain, The leader of the vamps ride off on a motorcycle along with timmy who is now a vampire himself. This one was really just an excuse to get even more nudity on the creen as if they was not enough in the previous short. I will say though some of the gore effects in this one are pretty decent with a few low budget fake props thrown in for Troma charm.
All in all this movie is fun , and extremely cheesy. and in all honesty it is just an excuse to get as many boobs on the screen , this is further proved by the fact they keep flashing a Boner-Vision screen on just showcasing nude girls in a fake film entitled Lesbian Cannibal hoedown. I found the dubbing entertaining, as they continued to overdub all of the actors with completely mis matched voices throughout the film.That was definitely one of the high points of the film. The gore was good at times and some of the humor but for the most art it is the standard low brow fart jokes you should be accustomed to with Troma. Definitely this one is worth checking out if you are a fan of Troma because it is not a bad representation of what they are all about, which is goofy tasteless fun. This one does provide that for sure. This one is not gonna go down in the archives as one of their strongest outings but it is a solid one for what it is, which is two incomplete films thrown together for the sake of putting out a DVD.
Gore:7 (some good stuff , thrown in to flesh out the awful effects elsewhere)
Nudity:9 ( Almost nearly every shot has some naked ladies in it even when it has nothing to do with the film thanks to the Boner vision)
Story:4 ( Both stories are really dumb and unoriginal)
Characters:4 ( Definitely not this films strong suit, not one character worth mentioning)
Overall: 5.5 out of 10

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