Saturday, April 21, 2012

Evil Bong

Evil Bong (2006)

Dir: Charles Band (Gingerdead Man/Prehysteria!/Demonic Toys v.s. Dollman/Evil Bong 2/Puppet Masters:The Legacy)

IMDB Rating: 3.8 out of 10


Well, I promised to devote this month to the worst films I could muster up off the top of my head and it just so happens to be 4/20 so I decided to kill two birds with one stone and take a look at a pot fueled film. So I present to you Evil Bong. When a true fan of z-grade cinema thinks of standards in the genre two companies should immediately come to mind, Troma of course and the ever so popular Full Moon Productions. During a time in the late 80's through most of the 90's during the video rental boom , you could not go into a rental shop without stumbling across a plethora of movies from this little spitfire of a company. While they flooded the market with genre movies ranging from action,softcore,Sci-Fi and of course Horror. The company did achieve some success with some genuinely entertaining series' such as Demonic Toys,Doll Man,Subspecies and of course their most famous Puppet Masters, which started off as an awesome series until the years went by and they just continued to go down hill as time passed.Tonight's film falls into the later days of the company and was released during a time when they were churning out just some truly awful entries like Gingerdead Man and the aforementioned lengthy Puppet Masters series , that had gotten so boring and attempted to take itself so serious that the films lost all the charm they once had. On a side note throughout all my years growing up as a stoner , I was never one for exploiting the fact I was a fan of the herb. I never cared for dawning pot leaves on my apparel, I was not one to try and glamorize the usage of said medicines and I absolutely dread ska and reggae (At least newer stuff) as well as any music that main focus was getting the point of  weed usage as it's main theme,with the exception of Dr.Dre's "Chronic" album. With that said I felt the same way about film, Through the years there have only been a small group of Stoner films I ever liked, Of course the Cheech and Chong films (Mainly because I was introduced to them as a child by my mother) , Half Baked , And Dazed and Confused but for the most part , No matter how much weed I used to smoke it never consumed every facet of my life to the extent that everything I took in had to be laced with THC. So, Can this film provide a long awaited Mind Change or will it be just another bag of bammer to throw to the hounds? Long intro aside let's pack this bowl and burn Evil Bong to the ground.


Our film opens up with the typical shitty ska song as the soundtrack and we meet stereotypical nerd Alistair as he is answering an add for a dorm room. Upon entry we meet his future roomies three more standard genre film tropes as the three bunk mates are of course huge stoners. There is Larnell Standard stoner character that only thinks of weed and things related to getting high, Bret the jock and Bochman the standard "Spicolli" character surfer burnout. Alistair takes the room and the wacky hi-jinx ensue.  Shortly after moving in Larnell finally saves up enough money for this special bong he spotted in an add in High Times. The bong is supposedly haunted and promises super heavy highs , Looking for the ultimate buzz the piece is ordered and a few days pass before it arrives. Immediately the guys pack the bong and give the special bong a spin, Not noticing anything special about the old beaten utility the guys feel they have perhaps been ripped off by the seller.However later that night while all the guys crash, Bochman hears the bong talk to him before it appears to suck his soul into the chamber of the bong. Once inside he appears to be trapped in a sweet strip club but things quickly take a turn for the worse as one of the strippers seduces him then shows her unique bikini top with skull boobs. While the two get a bit closer Bochman gets a deadly love bite that kills him. The following morning the other guys notice that Bochman has been out for a long time before they realize he is not breathing. Being paranoid about cops busting them the gang decides they cannot alert the authorities and debate on what to do with the body. Then at the most inopportune time Larnell's grandfather arrives to check in on the guys. The stoners spring into  action and hide Bochman's body under some blankets while the old man just runs the deadbeats down before introducing his new wife in what is set up to be a big punchline but really falls flat on all counts. After the coast is clear , the guys decide to hide their buddy's body in the buildings basement because some girls are coming over later and they will deal with it in the morning.









After doing some cleaning up and prep for the ladies Larnell takes a smoke break and passes out while his roomies are out fetching treats for their party. As with Bochman, Larnell hears the bong calling to him and after taking another hit he as well is sucked into the smoke filled strip club. While inside he runs into Bochman who appears to be enjoying his stay in the club. Now for the rinse and repeat as yet another stripper puts her moves on Larnell before exposing a top with shark mouths as bra cups. As his fingers begin to wander he has his hand bitten off and he meets his premature end. Alistair and Bret return back and the ladies arrive. Not thinking much of Larnell crashing on the recliner they begin playing games and partake in some smoke. All but Alistair take part in the festivities and almost instantly after burning the ladies become violently horny. While Alistair is nearly closing the deal with the lovely and smart Janet he notices that Larnell had not moved and is not breathing. Coming clean about the other roommate being dead he notices that the bong has changed in appearance a bit with each victim. As he is explaining the situation to Janet the couple witness Bret and his lady  Luann get sucked into the bong. While inside Luann is hauled off by security for not enjoying the view and Bret meets a stripper in which he once had a fling with and was earlier down talking her oral skills. This of course leads to her exposing her top which has lips over her breasts. She then demonstrates some new techniques she had picked up and let's just say Bret gets the blowjob of nightmares as he meets his demise.














Alistair and Janet debate on how to put a stop to the cursed bong when the bongs previous owner Jimbo appears out of nowhere to retrieve his piece and he explains the history of the bong and shares a story about how it killed all of his friends and he wishes to destroy it to keep future killings from happening. Alistair then notices that Janet is falling weak to the smoke and he struggles to keep her awake. His attempts are in vane as she succumbs to the weed and Alistair has only one choice, To give in and smoke weed or stick to his straight laced nature and loose the potential love of his life. Before Alistair takes his first toke , Jimbo gives him some pills that he says may come in handy while inside the bong although he does not explain what they are or what they will do. While Alistair is sucked in and appears in the club, Jimbo is on the outside trying to destroy the bong with a hammer then a chainsaw to no success.The bong only gets threatened when Jimbo pulls out a bomb and plans to blow the piece up. Inside the club Alistair is fighting the temptations of the dancers and tries to free Janet from the grips of her high and sober her up. He gives her some of the pills which apparently sober the high and they are able to escape the club, As the young love birds prepare to leave , Jimbo arrives and faces off with the Evil Bong and blows it up from the inside. In the typical happy ending once the bong is destroyed the victims all come back to life believing the entire experience was a dream and the side effects of some really good weed. Everyone is happy and then we see Jimbo still in the club and now he has apparently taken over as the ruler of the strip club. The film plays out with some more horrible ska music as the film wraps up with one of the cheesiest endings ever.













Evil Bong is one of those films that is hard to peg because it is clear that the film was made for a very specific market, That being the burnout stoner that loves everything they take in to have something to do with weed. You know the guys with the black light posters and listen to Afro Man and believe his music is actually genius, Yeah those guys. It is not really an awful flick, I mean I have seen much worse. It just is not that good and it is terribly corny. Surprisingly this film is stacked with cameos of folks that span several levels of status. Of course Tommy Chong is in it for a quick paycheck and it has bong in the title so would you expect any less? A brief shot of Bill Mosely , Brandi. C of Rock of Love fame as well as Pro Wrestler and Kick-boxer Sylvester Turkay. Certainly a strange assortment on top of that several characters from the Full Moon catalog make brief cameos such as The Gingerdead Man, A jack in the box from Demonic Toys,  I am shocked none of the Puppet Masters or Dollman didn't grace the screen with their presence. Sadly the gore in this film is pretty non existence and all of the humor is just awful unless you are a huge stoner I guess?The soundtrack is the music of my nightmares and really the only saving grace of the film is the standard nudity which is nothing new and certainly not enough to make this film worth watching at least not for me. As I stated before I have never been a huge fan of Marijuana based entertainment so perhaps I am not the target audience but if you celebrate the catalog of Kotton Mouth Kingz or Sublime perhaps this will be right up your alley, But I can't imagine anyone who is not absolutely obsessed with all things weed and subscribes to High Times actually enjoying this film. Full Moon has done allot worse in their years of putting out b-movies but this is most definitely not their greatest achievement either. I guess this film is much like getting stoned as it is easily forgettable and due to short term memory loss perhaps it's a good thing this flick is not memorable. If you prefer all your music is songs about weed and all your movie collection is Cheech and Chong influenced cinema then this is a must see otherwise....Puff....Puff... Pass on this one.


Gore:3
Nudity:6
Story:3
Characters:4
Fun Factor:4

Overall: 3.5 out of 10

1 comment:

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