Thursday, April 19, 2012

Attack of the CockFaced Killer

Attack of the Cockfaced Killer (2002)

Dir: Jason Mcthorne (Goregasm)

IMDB Rating: 5.9 out of 10

First things first, I knew going in to a film titled "Attack of the Cock Faced Killer" I wasn't dealing with high end Horror and I promised myself I was gonna seek out films that even test my standards of low end cinema this month.....Well....I think I may have found where I draw the line. This flick is just sad in so many ways. I figured going in that the film may at least provide a few laughs much like the Schizophreniac series, But this film just falls flat at every attempt as the humor is so low brow even the most immature of grade schooler's would not get a laugh out of this one. So in order to wipe this film from my memory a.s.a.p. lets get right into the review.

            The opening sequence lets us know what to expect as far as class right away as a young brother and sister rednecks are having sex in a barn when a masked man wearing a dildo chin strap (An actual item called the Accommedator , I know this thanks to my years working in an Adult store) stalks the couple gives a brief chase before killing the man with a chainsaw and then it is hinted that the women meets her demise at the end of a giant black realistic dildo. Good times.The news quickly picks up the story and the town locals think it is great that this is bringing some excitement to their small town. We then meet Skeet the Skate and his girlfriend Donna as they watch a Terror-Optics (The company that made this gem) film titled "The Stink of Death" which continuously flashes clips through the film periodically. The local gang of punks spend their time partying playing in bands and hinging out at the local tattoo shop and do nothing but talk about getting high , drunk and having sex as well as discus this new string of murders and how all the victims have been killed while either having sex or masturbating. The bodies begin to pile up as our first victims are a pointless hillbilly and his girlfriend and the hick gets his nipples cut off before being drowned in a lake, while his girlfriend is gutted and has her wounds violated with the killers trademark black dildo.

While Skeet and his friends head off to get ready for yet another house party a women is offed at the Tattoo shop after piercing her own nipples.Similar to the first batch of victims she is gutted but then she is strangled with her own intestines. Back at Skeet's we get some more product placement for the terror Optics company and some more clips of the movie within a movie before heading out to watch his friends band at the house party. While the townsfolk get wasted and act a fool we get a real tasteful moment when a handicapped man arrives at the door who is obviously the killer out of costume gets denied access solely due to him having a disability and the door man teases the young man, real classy. During the party  bodies quickly pile up as good ol' Cock Face kills one couple while having rough sex then a young women is killed while on the toilet while several party goers are standing right outside the door and manage not to hear her screams, And don't let me forget to mention the other big shock attempt when the killer rapes a woman with a broom stick that goes from her bottom straight through her mouth skewing her and then castrating her boyfriend in terribly fake fashion. The people at the party are so stupid they neglect to notice the dead bodies until much later and upon realization the people just think it is cool and act completely nonchalant about their dead friends.

Suddenly the gang begins to have feelings and they decide to set out to hunt down the killer posse style. While the kids hit the streets looking for Cock Face, We are treated to a simultaneous masturbation scene as Cock face begins jacking off when he knocks himself out by stepping on a rake and dreaming, while elsewhere a clown we never see before is having a rendezvous with his sock puppet and a penis pump. Miraculously Cock face interrupts the clown and kills him by pumping the mans dick until it begins spurting blood in yet another failed attempt at shock value. Cock Face is spotted at a beach by one of the men tracking him down and a fight ensues when a mysterious man appears out of the water and provides the two swords. One lame fight scene later and Cock face cuts the man's arm off. From here the movie takes a few strange sudden turns and starts going all over the place completely neglecting the main story. One of the townsfolk creates a reanimation serum to bring his old band mate to life so they can keep the band going and another band member starts performing sacrificial ceremonies it seems but none of this is explained at all whatsoever.

After the showdown on the beach the film completely strays from the Cock face Killer as we see the band member putting his reanimation serum to use and it is successful, Then the film abruptly ends when the reanimated corpse of the drummer attacks his band mate then suddenly fade to a "Fin" and the film is over as the credits roll with some lame attempt at a skate video.

Well now that that is done, Let me just say that this film is just painful too watch and I cannot recommend this flick in good conscious to anyone for any reason at all. I went in expecting a cheesy fun time and what I got was basically a hour plus promotional tool for Terror Optics Films and a band called the Pallbearers. I am struggling here to find any redeeming quality to this film and I truly cannot find one at all. The gore effects are beyond awful, the acting is as bad as you can get and the music is low end punk from some bottom of the barrel acts. However even though I think I have found a film that finally has pushed my limits for awful cinema , I did make a promise to myself for the site this month and that leads me to what I will review next and I am sure it is going to be as bad if not worse than this turd of a flick as I will be checking out this films sequel "Goregasm" , I think after that though I may have to back out of my promise and get to a film I actually enjoy or something that at least sounds like I won't want to quit watching films altogether, Avoid this flick at all costs which should not be hard because this is not an easy film too find and perhaps there is good reason for that.

Gore:5 (Some of the worst F/X ever put to film)
Nudity:5 (I think there may have been one woman in this film that didn't look like she just came from a meth lab and you barely see her skin at all in a shower scene. Sad that not even the nudity is up to par in a film with "Cock" in the title)
Story:1(Really pathetic attempt at what could have been a funny flick if another company made it , like Troma perhaps)
Characters:1  (Everyone in this film just comes off as redneck douche bags, wannabe punk rockers, Not one likable character in the entire film, Not even the farting cat)
Fun Factor:1 (From the films opening I was praying that the film would just end,Things just went downhill from the opening credits harder than I have ever seen before)

Overall: 2 out of 10 (Stay as far from this film as you can, This has got to be one of the worst films I have ever seen and that is saying allot)

1 comment:

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