Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Oh! You Beautiful Doll
Dir:Walt Davis (Evil Come,Evil Go/Ride a Cock Horse/The Passion Seekers)
IMDB Rating: N/A
I noticed something odd while deciding what to review tonight, And my discovery was that I really have not devoted much time to one of the biggest distributors in schlock cinema "Something Weird Video". Something Weird is a company that thrives on the worst and oddest in cinema history , priding itself on putting out the worlds most forgotten and at times controversial films. Ranging from conservative Anti-Gay and Anti-Drug propaganda flicks from the early 60's to bottom of the barrel horror flicks and of course vintage porn both soft core and even some XXX loops. The company often gets some things right like distributing the collections of cult directors H.G. Lewis and Russ Meyer bringing a more mainstream attention to these often under rated films, But for every "Color me Blood Red" and "She Devil's on Wheels" they release 100 trash throwaway films like this one I am reviewing here tonight. Oh! You Beautiful Doll is one of the more rare releases from the company as I don't believe they even bothered with a DVD release when they transferred there catalog to disc from VHS and after watching this turd , I can totally understand why.
Oh! You Beautiful Doll follows washed up porn starlet Gaye Ramon as she clings to her heydays priding herself on being "The Best Cock Sucker in Hollywood". Ramon has obviously seen better days and it shows , Yet she refuses to allow her star to fade into obscurity as she begins holding auditions for fresh new talent and offers "Acting" lessons from her living room. Shortly after her add is posted in a local newspaper a young aspiring "Stud" Buck Wilson arrives at her door looking to get his foot in the door. He arrives with his girlfriend Virginia who is quickly kicked out of Gaye's house so the aging starlet can focus on this fresh meat. Before he even gets a chance to explain his credentials , Gaye strips him down and puts him to work since she is getting tired of her banana's.
Gaye seduces or rather rapes the young man and then offers him more "lessons" if he just moves in with her. It quickly becomes evident that Gaye is a very desperate woman in her old age.
This film is easily one of the worst films I have ever seen, yet at the same time it does do something right. The way Gaye Ramon portrays a washed up porn star clinging to her days as a big time starlet is presented well, As she nails the appearance and attitude of someone in that business struggling to adapt to being tossed aside and her delusional outlook on life in general is played very well. Other than that however this film flops incredibly hard. The picture quality is awful even by the era's standard the acting is worse than many of the actual big budget adult features of the day and for a film just shy of a porn and obviously trying to cash in on the sexual themes, this film is the least sexy film i have ever seen. Everyone in the flick is rather unattractive and all the sex scenes just are simply gross. I stated before I can see why this film hasn't received the DVD treatment because even for "Something Weird Video" standards this one is far below par. Thank goodness this film was only an hour long because much like I wish "Nasty Nancy" was a full length feature I cannot and do not even want to imagine this flick stretched out any longer than it already was. This film is obviously the product of too much drug use and it shows with the "Robber" scene among a few others and the entire film comes off like a vision from a failed and bitter porn director. Steer clear of this one it is a complete waste of time and will perhaps even turn you off of porn for days to come after viewing it.
Overall: 1.5 out of 10