I would like to take this time to apologies to all the readers of my humble little site here as I have really been slacking off on the reviews as of late. From now on I promise to at least get one review done a week, perhaps more if time permits it. I have just been incredibly stressed of late and have not been in a movie watching mood. I will however be getting back to the site full swing as of now. I really appreciate your readership and will provide some better reviews in the future, I just put up a quick one of dahmer v.s. gacy to at least get one up, and again I will be doing at least one a week from here on out. I cannot believe that I only got one done this entire month , that is pathetic and I apologies.
Thank you for the Support and I am sorry people I will try my best to make it up to all of you,
Nathaniel (Dick Swift) Guest
Well I have been kinda lazy with the reviews and I figured I needed to get back to work here so I snatched up something new to add to the pile of shit cinema and man did I pick a real stinker with this one.I will save my opinions and comments for the end of this review and get straight to the plot and such so you guys can fully understand what I mean later in my rant.
The film opens up with a news report on serial killers when a writer of a book glorifying murderers is killed on national television. We then are introduced to the main characters at a secret military base where scientists are busy working on cloning in order to create a super soldier/Killing machine by taking the DNA from several of the world's most notorious serial killers of the past. Dr.Stravinski's plan is to create x-13 a higher form of killer by mixing the most vicious traits of all these killers. Things quickly go bad when a computer goes down in the lab causing a fire and allowing two of the clones to escape, Guess which ones....
As a soldier is leaving the lab grounds , Fahmer comes out of the back seat and kills the soldier taking off down the road. The killing spree starts off immediately as Dahmer picks up a hitch hiker and decapitates her while she offers him head in return for the ride.Also we see Gacy roaming the streets when he kills a random bum by gouging his eyes out in a dumpster.
The local news quickly picks up the story of two serial killers on the loose competing for a kill count and we get a report on a mime that Gacy Kills. The scene with the mime is rather amusing and yes this is supposed to be a comedy. One of the lowest of brows of course.As the killing continues the Army is quickly notified of the situation , Stravinski finds out that his family has been killed by one of the escaped murderers. Then we meet Ringo, Yet another madman who hears voices, apparently coming from God (voiced by Harland Williams) who tells Ringo he has been chosen to kill the psychos. As he sets out to find the killers, The murders continue as Dahmer hits a bar and finds a junkie whom he seduces with some nose candy , which leads to Dahmer drilling the man in more ways than one, Literally.As the story continues to go nowhere ,News casts are repeatedly shown with interviews from witnesses of murders we don't see on camera and everyone seems to be fascinated with serial killers.
As if this movie was not enough of a scramble fuck already, The Army contacts the lab and tells those in charge that Japan has sent out some Ninjas to find the escaped clones in order to gain the DNA and take over the experiments. Not wanting Japan to win the arms war, The General demands that x-13 is released to find and kill the escaped clones. Meanwhile Ringo runs into a pack of ninjas and this leads to one of the worst choreographed fight scenes I have ever seen since "Starbooty".
Back at Dr.Stravinski's home Dahmer has taken the doc captive and he goes on a tangent telling stories of his victims and his sexual liaison's with the victims. Gacy shows up shortly after to do in the scientist and the two debate over who will get to kill him. Out of nowhere a gay deaf neighbor shows up to give them a fruit cake while the two killers discuss their homosexual lifestyles. Obviously the neighbor is killed while Dr.Stravinski tries to free himself. The two Killers fight it out to see who will get the honors of killing the man who created them in yet another horrible fight scene, When X-13 Shows up and kills Gacy with his weapon of choice , Corn on the Cob. After Gacy is offed , Dahmer and X-13 face off when Ninjas come out of nowhere and yet another terrible fight scene ensues.After the tremendously bad fight, Dahmer is killed and Ringo shows up to the party late. Upset that he did not get to kill them shoots X-13 before Gacy reappears and kills Ringo in a scene that really makes no sense at all. After everyone is dead The Army is alerted that yet another fire occurred and one more killer has escaped. We see Charles Manson stabbing someone to death as the film ends.
Ok,Now that the long part is out of the way please allow me to explain the many problems I have with this film. I for one do enjoy allot of films that try to be bad or "So bad it's good" like many Troma films and movies of that ilk. However this film is just trying to hard to be in that style. There are a few funny scenes is this movie, mostly in the dialogue , especially on scene i found quite funny when X-13 and Dahmer are facing off and they go on abut how hard they are going to fuck each other and this was entertaining honestly in a south park low brow humor kind of way, But most of the jokes were just beaten to death and were not funny from the start. Another problem I have with this film is the gore, I mean yes there is allot of gore but it is really badly done and for a movie about two serial killers most of the killings are never shown , and the only gore occurs during the fight scenes and not in actual murders. Surprisingly this film has an incredible amount of cameos in it and I really wonder why any of them would have anything to do with this piece of shit film. All in all this movie is just not worth watching at all , It does not deliver on any point and you could really cut this film to thirty minutes and it may actually be a really funny short but as a 90 min film it just drags and does not keep the viewer interested at all. I mean this film pretty much seems like the director and writer, who also plays two roles in the film (Dahmer and Ringo) just sat down one day, got really loaded and threw a dart at random ideas on a wall and went with it literally. I mean why were there ninjas? why all the news reels with witnesses that basically repeated themselves, why the deaf gay neighbor? why the super killer that wields corn and looks like Rick Moranis? Perhaps we will never know and quite honestly if getting the answers means watching a sequel to this film, Then I am happy never finding out. If you like really stupid films that are just random piles of shit on top of each other than go for it but I went into this one thinking it would be similar to a cheese ball Troma style films and it was to an extent but just does not make the grade on any level in my opinion. Then again perhaps I am missing the point here and it really is genius, who knows?
Why the Hell was Felissa Rose in this film? I mean I have loved her since she ruined my views on sexuality in Sleepaway Camp and would love to see her in more stuff nowadays but she always seems to pop up in the worst films I can find (Return to Sleepaway Camp)
Gore:5
Nudity:0
Story:2
Characters:2
Overall: 3 out of 10
