Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)
Dir: Fred Olen Ray (Scalps/Evil Spawn/Bikini Drive-in/Ghost in a tiny Bikini)
Starring: Gunnar Hansen ( Texas Chainsaw Massacre/Murder Set Pieces/Hell block 13)
Michelle Bauer (Assault of the Party Nerd 1+2/Lady Avenger/ Bikini Drive -in)
Linnea Quigley ( Night of the Demons/ Return of the Living Dead/Assault of the Party Nerds 1+2)

Today was a rough day for me and one thing I can always depend on to lighten my mood is this film. Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers is by far one of my favorite films from my childhood that I can always go back to and watch fondly. This film is Cheesy and camp as a film can get and it never loses it's fun factor no matter how many times I watch it. Director Fred Olen ray has made over 100 films most with the word Bikini in the title and all of them are cheese but this one along with evil Spawn have to be hands down his greatest work. Also it is always nice to see Michelle Bauer and Linnea Quigley team up in a film that is not named Assault of the party Nerds and doing what they do best , showing why they are two of the finest scream queens in history and have some of the nicest bodies ever to grace B-moviedom.
The story centers around a wise cracking old school film noir style private detective named Jack Chandler who takes up a missing persons case , Searching for a young runaway girl named Samantha. In the process he stumbles into a murder case as several men start showing up carved to pieces via chainsaw.

In the opening scene we see a woman being interrogated for murder and she explains that she used a chainsaw on a John who bailed on his payment then she turns the saw on the questioning officer.

Shortly after that we meet Mercedes (Michelle Bauer) a prostitute working the local bars as she invites a John to her apartment. Once inside she breaks the ice with a nice strip tease and she drapes the room in plastic sheet while the john watches curiously.She then tell the man to close his eyes as she grabs some sexual aides and then breaks out the saw carving the man into mincemeat.

 Jack gets a tip that the missing girl may be in custody for murder and he goes to see his friend the Homicide chief to see if the girl is in fact the girl in question only to find it is not but in the process he does receive a clue through a matchbook with Mercedes' phone number on it.

Back at home Jack cannot shake the mysterious phone number so he leaves his girlfriend behind to arrange a meeting with Mercedes at the Bar , while across town another John is being disposed of .this time a hooker Lisa's services are requested to have photos taken of her for the mans Baseball bat calendar to sell his products,This leads to him being knocked out and then chopped up in a bathtub afterwards. We again see a mysterious stranger (Gunnar Hansen) watching the girls murder happily from a distance.

Jack and Mercedes meet at the bar and in the process he finds the missing girl Samantha ( Linnea Quigley) is a dancer at the pub. He goes to call for back up to help him with taking her into custody but while his back is turned she disappears and Jack is then drugged by Mercedes.

Upon waking up Jack finds himself tied to a bed in a hotel room where Mercedes , Samantha and the strange man known only as the master as he reveals their mission. Apparently the girls are under his control and they are part of an ancient Egyptian chainsaw worshiping cult who plan to sacrifice jack and Samantha in order to achieve eternal life. jacks wisecracking displeases the master and he decides that he will just take him out then and there when their chainsaw runs out of gas. The master leaves Samantha to watch jack while they go to fetch more fuel and she tells jack that she is going along with the group as part of a revenge plan to get vengeance for them killing her close friend. After jack is untied he kidnaps Samantha and flees with her to his office for safety and to alert  the proper authorities.

Failing to get a hold of his friend the homicide chief, Jack and Samantha decide to sneak into the cults temple and take care of the gang themselves but their plan fails when Jack is captured and Samantha is drugged with the blood of the cults ancestors in order to gain control of her once again and have her sacrifice jack as part of the ceremony.

Now for the grand finale, The ceremony begins complete with a fire eating high priestess and The Virgin dance of the Dueling Chainsaws......Awesome.

Police make their way to the scene as the ceremony proceeds. Then Samantha turns the saw on the cult leader and after that Mercedes and Samantha go at each other in a chainsaw duel. Immediately following the duel The Homicide Chief makes the scene and The cult members bodies mysteriously disappear. Samantha and jack leave and apparently live happily ever after and before the closing credits we get a promise of a sequel that unfortunately never happened.

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers Is one of the funnest b-movies you could ask for, It has everything from Nudity, Gore , Cheesy acting and the casting of Leatherface as a pimp/ cult leader is priceless. It never fails that whenever I am in a bad mod this is one of the films I can pop in and I know it will lift my spirits. I just wish they would have went ahead and made the potential sequel to this film because I have to assume it would be just as fun with Fred Olen Ray behind the camera. f you are looking for a fun trip back to a simpler time , A time when horror was simple and cinemax had boobs a plenty late nights this is the perfect film and in my eyes you can never really go wrong with the team of  Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer unless the film is called Assault of the Party Nerds....Nostalgia at it's finest here.
Gore: 7.5 (Decent effects for the budget and time the movie came out)
Nudity:9 (Can't do much better than Quigley and Bauer)
Story:7  ( As campy as you can get, certainly original with a nod to H.G. Lewis' Blood feast)
Characters:7 ( Nothing but fun with each on involved)
Overall: 8 out of 10 ( I admit I am a bit biased as this one is a film I always look back at fondly as a personal all time favorite)